“Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak,” says fashion guru Rachel Zoe.
Well, what if you don’t have much to say? Or maybe you’re a committed introvert. Or what if your lack of interest in fashion says something along the lines of, “I can’t be bothered”? We’re being cheeky, but in our defense, fashion is a famously fickle beast – what’s hot today is not tomorrow – and the uninitiated often prefer to stick to the classics. It takes all kinds to make the world go around, after all.
Yes, we might eat, sleep, and breathe fashion, but honestly, we won’t judge you if you don’t. If anything, we hail you if your wardrobe is full of neutrals, your preferred footwear is flat, and you’re able to get out of bed and into a cab in 15 minutes flat. Or maybe you’re committed to being anti-fashion for social or political reasons – even cooler. Regardless of your reason, if you just can’t be bothered to keep up with the “in” crowd, this one’s for you.
My Life Mantra Is
Comfort > Style
Look at the so-called ‘stylish’ people, tottering down sweltering streets in six-inch heels, dry-cleaning their dresses before going to the club, donning their ultra-hip Balenciaga sweatshirts even though it’s 40ºC outside. Trying too hard never crosses your mind. Your motto, in fact, is comfort over style – all day, every day.
Something I Fear
They say variety is the spice of life, but you think it’s better left on the spice rack. You own two pairs of jeans. One of them is blue, the other is slightly darker blue. In fact, given that a lot of manufacturers advocate washing your jeans as little as possible, we’re not sure why you even bother switching them around.
That One Time I Tried a Trend
Resulted in Photo Evidence That Has to Be Destroyed
Apparently turquoise, purple, and hot pink simply aren’t your colors, and you prefer to leave neon sportswear to the Kardashians. Passing up patterns and prints is nothing to be ashamed of, either. In fact, the less flamboyant your look, the better. Guess what? That’s perfectly fine. You do you, boo.
I Can't Keep Up
And Clearly You Can't Either
One day double-denim is in, the next day it’s out, and it’s back in again the following day. Crocs and Tevas are cool now, but only if you’re under the age of 25. “Ugly” fashion is actually a trend. Dad style and granny chic both have the co-sign of the street-style crowd, and belt bags are back with a vengeance. Who can keep up? Certainly not you.
If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say
Then Stay Out of My Mentions
In the era of social media, everyone feels comfortable lending their opinion on your look, even if you never requested it. But the truth is, you don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to what you wear.
I Own A Dress
Therefore, I Am an Adult
You know it’s a nice outfit because people have told you it’s a nice outfit, and wearing it is therefore risk-free. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it – ever.
Major Bank Accounts
Are More Important Than Major Style
You could step out in a glamorous Burberry trench and crystal-studded Aquazzura heels – or you could spend an hour in Mango, preserving your life savings for literally anything else.
Try Something New They Said
It Will Be Great They Said
Yep, of course I’m wearing this ridiculous hat ironically.
(Note to self: burn ridiculous hat.)
Do I Get a Plus One?
And Can It Be a Croissant?
“No, I don’t know what ‘Brooklyn formal’ means, I’m 99 percent sure I don’t own anything ‘coastal chic’, and don’t even get me started on ‘smart casual’.”
Only God Can Judge Me
And the Shopgirl at Bloomingdale's, Apparently
The sheer amount of choice in clothes shops can be anxiety-inducing, and even the mirrors seem to be judging you. You have definitely bought something in the wrong size to avoid the shame of returning to the changing rooms with the same item.
I Can't Be Bothered
If you tried, you probably could understand fashion, but is it worth the hassle? Why waste time on the one part of the world that, with the exception of mirrors, you don’t have to see?