The beach is great. The people? Not so much.
Even without the pandemic and its litany of social distancing sins, there are plenty of obnoxious beach behaviors that make us wish we’d gone to the swimming pool instead.
If you really love to be beside the sea, please don’t do these things…
Playing Loud Music
Here’s a list of places you shouldn’t play music out loud: Trains, restaurants, museums, libraries, funerals, job interviews, the in-laws’ house while saying grace, movie screenings of A Quiet Place, and the beach. We know your summer tunes playlist gets you hot, but at any given moment, a good 40% of beach-goers are on their sunbeds having a snooze.
Wearing sunglasses is not a free pass to lechery. People can still tell.
Throwing Sand Around
Sand is light (duh), and when airborne can easily lodge itself in the eyes, hair, and sandwiches of people several feet away. Some disturbance is inevitable, but could you please not shake your towel out when we’re downwind?
The Constant Photoshoots
We know full well that the Instagram post that got you hundreds of ‘likes’ was not #candid, because we saw you framing, posing, and re-shooting for what seemed like a week. We also know it’s technically none of our business, but there’s something oddly obnoxious about your place of leisure being turned into someone else’s runway.
Damaging Other People's Sandcastles
Our sandcastles deserve to be built to completion, photographed for posterity, and allowed to disassemble with dignity. Nothing lasts forever, but only Poseidon has the right to take our work before its time.
Littering is a universal sin, but at the seaside it’s perhaps at its most harmful. It hurts the good wildlife (dolphins, turtles, seals), while attracting the bad (aggressive seagulls), and since sand semi-covers everything, anything you drop could be stepped on by a child.
Having a Great Physique and Knowing It
We see you there, lathering sun tan lotion like it’s baby oil, chest puffed out like a pigeon on graduation day, striking a pose reminiscent of Michelangelo’s David. All that time in the gym, all that time in front of the mirror – only to faintly irritate people you don’t know.