Happy Birthday to the Funniest Woman on Instagram

 

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☀️ and 🌈

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jul 17, 2020 at 10:57pm PDT

Maddening when you’ve had a big lunch and everyone just assumes you’re pregnant

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jun 13, 2018 at 9:41am PDT

Let’s learn from this about saying “no thank you,that’s very much not my vibe but thanks for asking me and do feel free to lick your guitar yourself”

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Apr 30, 2017 at 3:55am PDT

You can’t catch a cold from going out with wet hair or a haemorrhoid from sitting on a stone step , just in case anyone else talked to my mother during her medical lying streak of the 1980’s and 90s

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Mar 9, 2017 at 1:54am PST

Summer’s here 🦋 sniff someone’s armpit to prove you like them #fbf

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jun 16, 2017 at 9:54pm PDT

Turns out I’m the sort of person who aggressively asks to see the hernia of someone I have just met

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jul 10, 2017 at 8:22pm PDT

Sometimes I like to act out an English idiom for America . Here I am doing ” knickers in a twist “

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Aug 2, 2017 at 11:48am PDT

One of us had a windowless dressing room in which someone opened a hard boiled egg that had been hanging a while .One of us had the dressing room right next door . And one of us was safely down the hall. I think it’s abundantly clear who is who

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Aug 11, 2017 at 10:01am PDT

My mother is the type of mother who can produce an umbrella that exactly matches your outfit whilst also taking a photo of you without your knowledge . I am the type of mother who can talk your friend off the ledge regarding a psychosomatic hemorrhoid that exists only in her mind . Ps the person behind me likely has equally useful skills we just don’t know her

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Sep 3, 2017 at 3:28pm PDT

Found myself in the naughty corner and didn’t hate it

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Sep 4, 2017 at 3:44pm PDT

You just can’t MAKE someone excited about a balloon if they’re not. I know this from bitter experience

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Sep 16, 2017 at 4:23pm PDT

I was feeling so Dutch Golden Age ish this morning we almost took this picture with a slightly unripe pear and a dead pheasant . But then someone stepped on someone else’s finger and then it went all eh you know

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Oct 3, 2017 at 4:13pm PDT

#tbt lowkey concealing half a rice cake in the top of my sock in case of apocalypse

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Dec 7, 2017 at 5:53pm PST

My hands were this size when I was in primary school. I wasn’t allowed on the football pitch in case I accidentally dug a dam.

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Mar 12, 2018 at 9:05am PDT

#tbt My friend Yasmeen and me aged 16 wondering if bike shorts would take off in 2018 and we would somehow retrospectively have invented Yeezy

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jun 28, 2018 at 3:23pm PDT

Got up early to see England beat Sweden ,did yoga, partially transformed into own cat- world literally is oyster 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿😍😍😍😍😍

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jul 7, 2018 at 1:45pm PDT

 

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Having a crack at the low dusting before I buff the kettle with the Pomeranian

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Nov 9, 2019 at 1:12pm PST

 

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#willowsings Considering requests -just bear in mind Busta Rhymes a little hard on the chops

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jan 24, 2020 at 4:16pm PST

 

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No kidding this bikini wax I just got drew a bigger audience than at least four movies I have done. Also my performance was described as “shattering”, “visceral” and “edge of the seat stuff”. So I’m pleased.

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Feb 25, 2020 at 1:06am PST

 

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This counts a stunt due to the twin hazards of a hose and a cat 🩰 also HAPPY BIRTHDAY @davidjohnbradley1 the baddest godfather of all time. Hope this reminds you of our triumph as The Great Sockingball and his assistant Betty x❤️💋

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Apr 17, 2020 at 4:31pm PDT

 

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Nightclubs are closed but we have googly eyes and mostly it’s the same except less risk of illness and no one has wee’d all over the ladies loo seat

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on Jun 29, 2020 at 6:13pm PDT